The Best Part Of Being A Parent Is All The Things I Don't Have To Worry About...

The other night I realized when I went to sleep that I love that since Isobel wakes up every day at or close around 0700 I do not have to set annoying rooster alarms on my phone to wake me up before work. Don't get me wrong I love having Isobel for many more meaningful reasons but no one wants to hear about that stuff. We want to hear the real shit. Things that they don't tell you in those "Expectant Father" books.

So my list of things that I no longer have to worry about:

• The fact that I no longer worry about where my extra money is going to go. It is clearly going to go towards food for the baby, diapers for the baby, toys for the baby, diapers for the baby, wipes for the baby, food for the baby, and diapers for the baby in case I have not mentioned it. 
• The fact that I no longer have to worry about anyone smelling my farts in public. I just look at Isobel and say, "Isobel, wow you have a loud and stinky tushy. It may be time for a diaper change." as I pretend to walk to the closest bathrooms.
• The fact that I don't have to worry about looking presentable in public. If my clothes are dirty I can just say Isobel threw up on me before we left the house and didn't have time to change. Apparently if you only have dogs this excuse doesn't work as well.
• The fact that I can be late to most things now and again put it on Isobel.
• The fact that I can be forgetful and people think it is just normal because I have a baby.
• I no longer have to worry about stuff getting broken because I just know it will get broken.
• I no longer have to worry about if I will ever see my family again. They cannot come over fast enough now.
• I no longer have to worry about my response to the questions of how I am doing. The attention and focus is on Isobel as I weep in the background.
• I no longer have to worry about my face when gifts are given to me at Christmas or my birthday. I no longer gets presents, they all go to Isobel. 
• I no longer have to worry about people judging me for being fat. It is just expected that now that I am a dad I will be fat.
• I no longer have to worry about what I am going to order for myself because I it is what Isobel wants (or in the current moment, what she can eat).
• I no longer have to worry about eating my food hot. I will always eat my food cold, or if I am lucky, slightly warm.
• I no longer have to worry about being out too late and being yelled at by my wife. Isobel's bedtime is between 730 and 900 and I am the one who can put her to sleep.

For those nervous about being a dad, don't be. If you are worried about how much money you have compared to how much you think you need then have fun because I am going to let you in on a little secret. You will never have enough money. You will however, figure out that you will ALWAYS have money for your child even if it means you suffer. You prioritize quickly. If you have friends and family then most of the things you need for the baby will be provided at a baby shower. The rest you will figure out as you go along. To be honest, I never read any of the "get ready to be a dad" books. If it was really that simple to just read a book then more men would hang around when they find out they are having a baby. 

I went into like I have everything else, with just my instincts and my brains. I know that is not much but it has gotten me along this far. So now that I have so many less things to worry about I feel  I can go to sleep peacefully. Yeah right, I have a daughter. 

Goo goo gah gah,

David